why do muslim people always have to go ruin it for themselves and the rest of us?

it’t not healthy when your mum insinuates that your fat. im trying to look at this objectively, and looking at it as such makes me think that im just exaggerating and being a drama queen over something that could be easily misconstrued. but i can’t help but fall into the subjective trap and just think that that is what she means. basically its along the lines of her telling me not to wear a particular top because it “won’t fit” me. she might have been right, but at this point in my life, anything related to weight is just a really sensitive issue, if you’ve lost weight and then had 2 kgs creep back up on you, you know that its a real blow to the system, especially if you’ve been struggling with this issue since you were 13. anyway, i think deep down i know my mum was just trying to give me ‘fashion advice’, as laughable as that may sound, but i still can’t help feeling a certain sense of pressure to be thinner. i feel like ill be less loved, less liked if im not, thin that is. i know its irrational, but i guess i just can’t help feeling this way. and then as if this wasn’t enough, you have people going on about how much weight you’ve lost and how thin you are and ask you annoying questions like “do you eat really little” etc etc. its like people will always have something to pick on, either you’re fat or your too thin. its just like FUCK OFF! but whatever right. who cares.

at least now, rather than sitting in my room and crying about it as i have done often, i am actually being proactive and doing something about it. and this time im trying to lose weight the right way, not the lindsay lohan way. which did work mind you, but its not healthy, and especially after reading some really good blogs on here about this issue has somewhat put me off going down that path. so anyway. ive actually achieved some major goals in the past 4 weeks that i thought i could never do. one of those being not eating sugar everyday. i used to eat alot, i mean alot of sugar, and id eat dessert things and chocolate instead of normal food. id still eat some healthy stuff like rice cakes and apples, but to be honest my diet was all over the place. but i must say i didnt go cold turkey on the sugar. i started slowly, first i would just have some wheatmeal biscuits when i felt like a bit of sugar, theyre not that sweet, but because they seemed ‘healthy’ at the time, i was like ‘these will have to do’. now i don’t need biscuits, but i do have my fix of dry fruit in the morning with my muesli. its still a struggle though, i mean 20 years of my life have been spent eating crap, litterally, when i was a kid, i was a skinny lil thing, but i would just eat junk food 24/7 and my sisters would always call me a ‘junkie’, which i would vehemently protest. i am now however, free of the psychological need to have sugar, before i used to feel like my day was incomplete if i didnt have something artifically sweet to eat. now i dont feel that way anymore. its ever so liberating. anyway i cant be bothered finishing this stupid idiotic post. its another day today and i nearly started crying about my weight again, haha, and what did i write earlier, silly silly me. whatever. you know i want to go to a third world country and build houses and schools. i really hope i get to do that. actually feel like im doing what im meant to be doing rather than ’studying’ everyday. i feel so stuck sometimes, everything has to be ’so hard’ not for me, but for other people, i.e. people in my family to be specific. its like me me me me me me me. ok i know im not making anysense right now but this feels like im letting off a load. A LOAD. hehehehe A LOAD!.that sounds funny…………………….eeeeeeeeeagjalgjj 0dvjajcldk japscjoisadjgkamgmadkvjopicuod fujoaklgjlakjf aovhjabhnaklgjlkjfgajfgaoi jojv!

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
“Now the old king is dead, long live the king!”

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can’t explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn’t believe what I’d become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string (Ooooh)
Ah, who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can’t explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh
(repeat with chorus)

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can’t explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooooh Oooooooh Oooooooh

I was just browsing through my friends’ (more of an acquaintance now) facebook photos of her and her new boyfriend. the guy she is going out with is 11 years older then her, shes 20 and hes 31, something which i don’t actually have a problem with, i mean age isn’t always a good indicator of how mature or immature a person is, and seeing as my friend (now aquaintance) herself is quite mature, her dating an older guy, seems somewhat common sense, if not natural. so anyway. i decided to investigate this university tutor who is currently doing his phD in some sciencey thing from the same uni as myself (small world) and  what better way to investigate than to look through facebook. atm our broadband (aka cable dsl) has been disconnected for various reasons which means that me and my internet addicted sister (my sister probably more so than me since computers occupy a huge amount of her time, seriously its like their married) have to rely on good old fashioned dial up. now theres a blast from the past. for those of you who are still virgins to broadband (aka cable dsl) i need to tell you something really important, but before i do i need you to stay calm, it will be ok, here it goes “you have just wasted 20 years of your life on the internet for something you could have done in 2 minutes” there ive said it. now ill give you time to process what ive said. as for all you other smart wise normal people, im sure you can fully appreciate the patience i have had to exercise in order to go from broadband back to dial up. as you smart, wise, normal people would know, it took ages for things to load on my friends (now aquaintance) boyfriends facebook. so anyway im waiting and waiting and slowly his facebook picture starts to load. once this picture was fully uploaded, i kept staring and staring at his picture. and as i was staring i realised the reason i was studying his picture was because he seemed to look so much like my friend. it was almost as if they were brother and sister. it was really weird at first, and then i realised that well actually, its not so weird at all, because studies have shown that people have a tendency to choose partners that look similar to themselves in appearance. also if you just look at couples generally, so many of them look perfect cause they look so similar. and then obviously there are some people who never in a million years would you even think that they would end up together, and then they do! its insane. i mean its a beautiful thing, when 2 people find each other no matter what they look like, but its just so weird you know? i think though that the only reason it really is weird to me is because of the way im conditioned to think. for example in the media and on tv, all you see is good looking people ending up with good looking people, and then in real life you know thats not true, but sometimes i guess you can’t help fall into that pattern of thinking, its almost like a subconscious thing. anyway i have to go set dinner now. till next time.

the place of a woman is in the home.

my sister and i were having this conversation the other week. it was actually because this ‘aunty’ came to our house for a darse (religous gathering) and claimed that the ‘bottom line’ of what the Prophets’ (pbuh) teaching, in relation to women anyway, was that the place of a woman is in the home. this she claims is the reason for her staying home. infact, she explained that the only condition she has placed on her husband is to stay at home and to never go hungry, or to have something in her stomach, as she put it (not quite in those words, but you get what she means). then came obviously my inquisitive sister (who usually, might i add, is not as inquisitive as she was at this particular occasion, usually she’s the one doing the talking whilst everyone else is listening, or rather pretending to listen (you know i love you) who’s genuine interest in what this woman was saying, really just added fuel to the fire. yes there was a fire. in me! so anyway, off she goes on a rant about ‘the Prophet wanted us to stay home’ ‘women should stay home’ blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. And though i thought better than to engage in a ‘discussion’ with her, i couldn’t help but think how narrow minded and literalistic her views were. and let me tell you something i should have told you at the beginning of this post, i am not a ‘progressive muslim’ in the modern, retarded, what the hell are you on about? sense of the word. i wear a scarf, i pray 5 times a day (not the Irshad Manji way), i try (try) to be a good muslim, in the sense that I constantly think about whether or not what I am doing is something God would approve of, be ok with, or not care about and the list goes on. so whilst i understand the idea of the woman being in charge of the home, i don’t agree with the absolutist view that it is the be end all and be all of a women’s roles. i mean as far as i know (which i have to admit is very little), there is no stipulation that women must stay home and just take care of their home. as with many issues in Islam, everything has to be seen within a particular context and particular circumstances. in australia, for example, families are really struggling to make mortgage repayments with one income, many of them get their houses repossessed. must the woman stay home then too? i guess what bothers me the most is that the same people who make such claims with absolute fervor and surety have usually missed the bigger picture so much so that alot of their views contradict each other. these are often the same people who insist on having a female doctor, a female driving instructor (wait this doesn’t really count cause why does she need to drive, right? pfft! im such a tool) basically, a female everything. so really what they are asking for is that all women stay home but also provide essential services for each other without going to university or having practiced their skills in any formal organisation or institution…well i hate to break their miswak (yes i just thought of that hehe), but that ain’t practical. and what about the woman who’s husband decides to up and leave his wife and children, without so much as a second thought. the woman who has stayed home, who has not pursued a tertiary education, who has not had a job for the past 2, 3, 4, 10 years! what then is she supposed to do? how is she supposed to support herself and her children? like i said, if you believe that women should stay home, and only stay home, you are missing so many variables, you’re missing so much of the reality and complexities of life. i do understand the logic and the blessings behind staying home, i really do! if women spent more of their time at home then worrying about a career then maybe we may not have as many social problems as we do. but there is a difference forgoing everything for a career and working in order to maintain a certain level of independence and ‘if something bad happens, i can take care of myself’ness. i don’t believe that being in charge of the home and going to work are mutually exclusive. this is not to say that i sympathise with the ‘women can have it all’ sentiment that the western media keep shoving down our throats. not at all. i just think that women need to be out there, they need to be active members of society because they too have a responsibility to educate, and take care of, and give charity to and support. you can’t just leave everything to men, i mean we tried that and look how far that got us! ; ) no im not a male basher. so i won’t go there. how ironic though that im listening to an old spice girls song at this very moment….

one? fine, two? ok, three? eeeh umm….alright, 50? give me a break!

i am sick to death of people on posting 80 pictures of themselves on facebook! its so frekkin ridiculous, i mean what the hell is the matter with you? do you seriously have such a complex that you have to take the exact same photo of yourself from different angles just so you can satisfy your vanity? my god if you think you look good in one, two or three photos, common sense would tell you that your probably going to look good in the 4th, 5th hell 60th photo! and then ofcourse there are the few anomalies that show you looking fugly, and you’d think with all the good photos you have, you would be able to figure out which ones to show the whole world and which ones you should umm i dunno hide! or maybe even delete!!! (shock horror!) but no you have to put that one up to, the one that makes you look like a 200 pound animorph caught in the middle of morphing because there are icky hairs coming out of all your orifices, yes i mean all of them! and no your photos don’t ‘highlight the different sides of your versatility’ they just make you look like a desperate person who just needs their ego to be constantly stroked through comments on how “hot” you look. i mean you’re actually so thick that the prospect of letting people know that you take your own pictures, pictures of yourself, in your room with ur shitty little mobile phone doesn’t actually bring you to shame? what has the world come to? serenity now!!!

so damn you digital, damn you and all the ills you bring with it! *shakes fist in air*

Sundays in Aus are fun days cause they’re the days where u catch up on the stuff that needs doing and you do stuff you like to do like bake! I went bake crazy yesterday, making cinnamon scrolls, peanut butter cupcakes and brownies and even after the brownies I wanted to try my hand at making lemon cream cupcakes (I’m sure they would’ve tasted divine) but I decided to put my culinary skills to rest and clean up the kitchen instead which was, by the time I was done with it, an absolute mess! Needless to say I really enjoyed baking all that stuff cause its both relaxing and engaging. However i didnt really enjoy eating it as much, i mean liked what i baked, i mean i liked the taste of two of the things that i baked those two being the scrolls and brownies (the peanut butter cupcakes being too oily for me despite everyone raving about how good they tasted) but I don’t really like it as much as I liked making them, it was so much more meaningful making them than eating them. Maybe this means that true happiness comes with meaningful experiences or maybe it just means that my food wasn’t all that great OR maybe it just means I’m weird….