all things weighty

it’t not healthy when your mum insinuates that your fat. im trying to look at this objectively, and looking at it as such makes me think that im just exaggerating and being a drama queen over something that could be easily misconstrued. but i can’t help but fall into the subjective trap and just think that that is what she means. basically its along the lines of her telling me not to wear a particular top because it “won’t fit” me. she might have been right, but at this point in my life, anything related to weight is just a really sensitive issue, if you’ve lost weight and then had 2 kgs creep back up on you, you know that its a real blow to the system, especially if you’ve been struggling with this issue since you were 13. anyway, i think deep down i know my mum was just trying to give me ‘fashion advice’, as laughable as that may sound, but i still can’t help feeling a certain sense of pressure to be thinner. i feel like ill be less loved, less liked if im not, thin that is. i know its irrational, but i guess i just can’t help feeling this way. and then as if this wasn’t enough, you have people going on about how much weight you’ve lost and how thin you are and ask you annoying questions like “do you eat really little” etc etc. its like people will always have something to pick on, either you’re fat or your too thin. its just like FUCK OFF! but whatever right. who cares.

at least now, rather than sitting in my room and crying about it as i have done often, i am actually being proactive and doing something about it. and this time im trying to lose weight the right way, not the lindsay lohan way. which did work mind you, but its not healthy, and especially after reading some really good blogs on here about this issue has somewhat put me off going down that path. so anyway. ive actually achieved some major goals in the past 4 weeks that i thought i could never do. one of those being not eating sugar everyday. i used to eat alot, i mean alot of sugar, and id eat dessert things and chocolate instead of normal food. id still eat some healthy stuff like rice cakes and apples, but to be honest my diet was all over the place. but i must say i didnt go cold turkey on the sugar. i started slowly, first i would just have some wheatmeal biscuits when i felt like a bit of sugar, theyre not that sweet, but because they seemed ‘healthy’ at the time, i was like ‘these will have to do’. now i don’t need biscuits, but i do have my fix of dry fruit in the morning with my muesli. its still a struggle though, i mean 20 years of my life have been spent eating crap, litterally, when i was a kid, i was a skinny lil thing, but i would just eat junk food 24/7 and my sisters would always call me a ‘junkie’, which i would vehemently protest. i am now however, free of the psychological need to have sugar, before i used to feel like my day was incomplete if i didnt have something artifically sweet to eat. now i dont feel that way anymore. its ever so liberating. anyway i cant be bothered finishing this stupid idiotic post. its another day today and i nearly started crying about my weight again, haha, and what did i write earlier, silly silly me. whatever. you know i want to go to a third world country and build houses and schools. i really hope i get to do that. actually feel like im doing what im meant to be doing rather than ’studying’ everyday. i feel so stuck sometimes, everything has to be ’so hard’ not for me, but for other people, i.e. people in my family to be specific. its like me me me me me me me. ok i know im not making anysense right now but this feels like im letting off a load. A LOAD. hehehehe A LOAD!.that sounds funny…………………….eeeeeeeeeagjalgjj 0dvjajcldk japscjoisadjgkamgmadkvjopicuod fujoaklgjlakjf aovhjabhnaklgjlkjfgajfgaoi jojv!

damn the digital

one? fine, two? ok, three? eeeh umm….alright, 50? give me a break!

i am sick to death of people on posting 80 pictures of themselves on facebook! its so frekkin ridiculous, i mean what the hell is the matter with you? do you seriously have such a complex that you have to take the exact same photo of yourself from different angles just so you can satisfy your vanity? my god if you think you look good in one, two or three photos, common sense would tell you that your probably going to look good in the 4th, 5th hell 60th photo! and then ofcourse there are the few anomalies that show you looking fugly, and you’d think with all the good photos you have, you would be able to figure out which ones to show the whole world and which ones you should umm i dunno hide! or maybe even delete!!! (shock horror!) but no you have to put that one up to, the one that makes you look like a 200 pound animorph caught in the middle of morphing because there are icky hairs coming out of all your orifices, yes i mean all of them! and no your photos don’t ‘highlight the different sides of your versatility’ they just make you look like a desperate person who just needs their ego to be constantly stroked through comments on how “hot” you look. i mean you’re actually so thick that the prospect of letting people know that you take your own pictures, pictures of yourself, in your room with ur shitty little mobile phone doesn’t actually bring you to shame? what has the world come to? serenity now!!!

so damn you digital, damn you and all the ills you bring with it! *shakes fist in air*

Sundays are….

Sundays in Aus are fun days cause they’re the days where u catch up on the stuff that needs doing and you do stuff you like to do like bake! I went bake crazy yesterday, making cinnamon scrolls, peanut butter cupcakes and brownies and even after the brownies I wanted to try my hand at making lemon cream cupcakes (I’m sure they would’ve tasted divine) but I decided to put my culinary skills to rest and clean up the kitchen instead which was, by the time I was done with it, an absolute mess! Needless to say I really enjoyed baking all that stuff cause its both relaxing and engaging. However i didnt really enjoy eating it as much, i mean liked what i baked, i mean i liked the taste of two of the things that i baked those two being the scrolls and brownies (the peanut butter cupcakes being too oily for me despite everyone raving about how good they tasted) but I don’t really like it as much as I liked making them, it was so much more meaningful making them than eating them. Maybe this means that true happiness comes with meaningful experiences or maybe it just means that my food wasn’t all that great OR maybe it just means I’m weird….

Goodbye Harry Potter

After a four day long journey, my adventure with Harry Potter has finally come to an end. We parted ways this morning at a quarter to nine, when he went on his way to join his new family with Ginny, and I resumed  adhering to the daily grind by logging on to my computer to check my email and such. But alas it has ended, and I have said my good byes with both sorrow and joy. The journey was much like a roller coaster ride with its highs and low dips, every now and then making you scream, cry and laugh, sometimes provoking these actions all at once. In the end all ended as one would have hoped, save the precious loss of life,  good overcame evil, although it didn’t appear as trenchant at the time. Whilst events seemed slow moving and obscure at first, the hand that created the puzzle lovingly rejoined the pieces together creating an exquisite and intriguing collage of life, love, friendship, loss and death for her loyal followers. Though parting considerably from the previous collection of stories and despite taking some bold steps, Rowling stayed true to the wonderful characters in the story till the end. Her characters, some of whom we have grown to admire and others whom we have come to pity have grown as we have grown over the past 7 years. By drawing parallels between their lives and ours, I believe Rowling sends a powerful message to all who have read her tales about arrogance, tolerance and harmony. Despite, like a parent seeing their child fly from the nest, having mixed feelings about my final goodbye with Harry Potter, I feel ever so grateful for having Harry and his friends in my life, and for that I salute you J.K.

writing is so unfulifilling. i dont quite care if thats not a word. all i know is that writing that sentence didn’t do anything for me…

go away fat, go away

never come back, never stay

you are not wanted

you never will  be

so leave me alone

and stop pestering me!

hey i just rhymed.

i hate it when lecturers and tutors dont reply to your questions when you really need them to. I hate it when you try to explain to something to some one in the best possible way and they dont want to listen and refuse to understand. i hate feeling really low after ive felt really high. this life is so torturous and cruel. if u dont give all of yourself, if you dont let the devil take your soul its like your stuck in a fuckin whoop whoop limbo land. and i mean i dont want to be in that stupid land. its annoying, and painful, and frustrating! so so soooo frustrating. but i mean i guess its not like that all the time. but when it is it feels like its like that allllll the time. and then it happens so often. and sometimes it can just be about the smallest thing.

Being A Muslim Teen In America. Episode 1

I just came across this video on Youtube, it follows Ali from Ummah Films’ style but its funny, which is surprising considering I find that Ali guy very very annoying and …umm well not funny. But I think this is a good first try by someone their age. I really like the beginning part where they try to show male and female interaction in the olden days, its so true! actually it still happens in Pakistan today where in the wedding you will see the bride sitting staring at the ground for like 6 hours, whilst the groom just stares in to space.