the place of a woman…

the place of a woman is in the home.

my sister and i were having this conversation the other week. it was actually because this ‘aunty’ came to our house for a darse (religous gathering) and claimed that the ‘bottom line’ of what the Prophets’ (pbuh) teaching, in relation to women anyway, was that the place of a woman is in the home. this she claims is the reason for her staying home. infact, she explained that the only condition she has placed on her husband is to stay at home and to never go hungry, or to have something in her stomach, as she put it (not quite in those words, but you get what she means). then came obviously my inquisitive sister (who usually, might i add, is not as inquisitive as she was at this particular occasion, usually she’s the one doing the talking whilst everyone else is listening, or rather pretending to listen (you know i love you) who’s genuine interest in what this woman was saying, really just added fuel to the fire. yes there was a fire. in me! so anyway, off she goes on a rant about ‘the Prophet wanted us to stay home’ ‘women should stay home’ blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. And though i thought better than to engage in a ‘discussion’ with her, i couldn’t help but think how narrow minded and literalistic her views were. and let me tell you something i should have told you at the beginning of this post, i am not a ‘progressive muslim’ in the modern, retarded, what the hell are you on about? sense of the word. i wear a scarf, i pray 5 times a day (not the Irshad Manji way), i try (try) to be a good muslim, in the sense that I constantly think about whether or not what I am doing is something God would approve of, be ok with, or not care about and the list goes on. so whilst i understand the idea of the woman being in charge of the home, i don’t agree with the absolutist view that it is the be end all and be all of a women’s roles. i mean as far as i know (which i have to admit is very little), there is no stipulation that women must stay home and just take care of their home. as with many issues in Islam, everything has to be seen within a particular context and particular circumstances. in australia, for example, families are really struggling to make mortgage repayments with one income, many of them get their houses repossessed. must the woman stay home then too? i guess what bothers me the most is that the same people who make such claims with absolute fervor and surety have usually missed the bigger picture so much so that alot of their views contradict each other. these are often the same people who insist on having a female doctor, a female driving instructor (wait this doesn’t really count cause why does she need to drive, right? pfft! im such a tool) basically, a female everything. so really what they are asking for is that all women stay home but also provide essential services for each other without going to university or having practiced their skills in any formal organisation or institution…well i hate to break their miswak (yes i just thought of that hehe), but that ain’t practical. and what about the woman who’s husband decides to up and leave his wife and children, without so much as a second thought. the woman who has stayed home, who has not pursued a tertiary education, who has not had a job for the past 2, 3, 4, 10 years! what then is she supposed to do? how is she supposed to support herself and her children? like i said, if you believe that women should stay home, and only stay home, you are missing so many variables, you’re missing so much of the reality and complexities of life. i do understand the logic and the blessings behind staying home, i really do! if women spent more of their time at home then worrying about a career then maybe we may not have as many social problems as we do. but there is a difference forgoing everything for a career and working in order to maintain a certain level of independence and ‘if something bad happens, i can take care of myself’ness. i don’t believe that being in charge of the home and going to work are mutually exclusive. this is not to say that i sympathise with the ‘women can have it all’ sentiment that the western media keep shoving down our throats. not at all. i just think that women need to be out there, they need to be active members of society because they too have a responsibility to educate, and take care of, and give charity to and support. you can’t just leave everything to men, i mean we tried that and look how far that got us! ; ) no im not a male basher. so i won’t go there. how ironic though that im listening to an old spice girls song at this very moment….